Dorset Police H&H- 30th January 2011

Hey hey, racing two weeks in a row, just like the old days! It was a bloody early start, got up at 4.30am, drove up to meet Steve Jose at 6am, then a near 3 hour drive up Dorset. We were about an hour away from the event when the phone rung, it was ’mad’ Jack Twentyman who’d only just left because of a drama the night before. To cut a long story short, he decided to play about with his shock settings on his bike at 10 o’clock the previous night! The rear shock froze solid so he had to quickly get his other bike ready and finished that at half past one in the morning. Lucky you Jack for having the luxury of 2 bikes me old son!

Quite a few lads had traveled up to do this one, along with me and Steve was Andy Smith, Rich Tucker, Gary ‘nothing gets in my way Mcoy, ‘mad’ Jack (when he finally arrived), and Michael Brooks. Nice paddock area it was too, hard standing concrete all around and not a bit of mud in sight! Quite a chilly morning though and my immediate thoughts were ‘please hands, don’t bloody well freeze up again like last week’. After the usual general chitter chatter and p*ss taking amongst each other, it was off to get ready and then head off the riders briefing and then to the start.

The flag dropped and this week (unlike last) the Gasser fired up 1st kick and away I went, not a bad start, but I was a bit slow getting to the first corner and got crowded out a bit, so I was about halfway just as we made our way just a short distance into the woods. The course was very tight in places and in quite a lot areas it was only the one line which made it difficult for overtaking, some times there seemed to be like procession of 4 -5 riders all following each other for long periods and all going at the same speed, and unless you risked going off line and maybe hitting something in the undergrowth (which sometimes you had too) then you had to rely on riders making mistakes so you could pass them. When things started to settle down after a few laps the course then really come into it’s own and really started to flow with some lovely tree lined trails, a nice little deep sand section, a few fire roads that were long and very fast (bloody nora I hit 6th gear on those, not often I do that!), and a couple of log crossings to add a bit of spice. Nothing really major at all to slow you down and unlike last weeks event, today’s track was bone dry and there was grip to be found everywhere, around 7 miles in length I reckon and about 16-17 mins a lap (unless you’re a red plate, they were doing it in 14 mins!)

For the first hour or so I was basically trying to catch a group of 3 riders who were all in the class as me that were just up ahead maybe a couple of hundred yards away, but frustrating it was as the gap just stayed the same lap after lap because the course was getting faster and faster and sometimes even scary as you were going at quite a speed through the trees, and of course, everybody else was going that much faster now as well. The couple of laps just before I pitted (one of which was my fastest) I pushed really hard and managed to overtake all 3, but I knew I had to quick in the pits to stay out in front of them again and not get caught up in a ‘procession’ again. As I came into the pit area I forgot where I’d put my refueling can, what a t*sspot I am! I found it in the end, but I’d wasted a good minute trying to find the bloody thing.

Not happy with the pit stop, and my blood now boiling, I pushed on as hard as I could only for a stick to go straight into my back sprocket and get jammed in the back wheel which stopped me and the bike dead in our tracks. It was another minute before I could get the thing out and carry on, more time wasted. The last hour was gonna be a real test for me as I haven’t finished racing a hare and hounds event for over a year now so my stamina was going to come into question here, but I still was going well and on my very last lap I passed another rider in the same class as me, in fact I’d been bloody chasing that guy for the entire race so I well chuffed I managed to get in front of him.

Back at the van at the end Kevin Pippard popped his head round and told us that he’d managed to finish the race with punctures in both front and back tyres, ‘sods law’ that as I was speaking to Kev before hand about tyre pressures, I bet he wished he hadn’t spoke to me now. Andy Smith was on his way to hospital after injuring his shoulder, whilst Phil ‘smiler’ Harris who came to watch was seeking advice about some nasty goings on to do with his rear end!
A very pleasing day for me and my comeback has started, lets hope that elbow holds out then!

Finishing position 4/16 (Clubman ‘A’)

Hellvana - 23rd January 2011

‘Welcome to hell’, that’s what the sign said that greeted everybody as they drove up the gravel road that led to the venue! I’ve heard a few stories about Hellvana and seen a few pics, and although this year the organisers had cut out a few of the bogs, the word around the signing on area was that the course was still ’a bit of a test’ shall we say!
When I left home in the morning it was quite mild, but I reckon the temperature must have dropped about 10 degrees as soon as you entered the Hellvana woods, funny that, I thought HELL was supposed to be hot!

With this being the 1st round of the SW enduro champs, it was a right local gathering of allsorts, so wasn’t I short of a conversation or two and the odd bit of piss taking here and there. I took a walk from the start line up the woods to see a bit of what the course was going to be like beforehand. After about 100 yds of treading through a boggy stump ridden rut, I decided to turn back and go get changed, ‘blinkin hell’ I thought, this is going to be tough if the rest of the course is like that! Fearing the worse and knowing it was going to be a bit of a slog, I went straight back to the bike and let the back tyre down to 4 to 5 psi so it would give us more grip.

So then, first race of a new season and I entered the Vets expert class, so I needed a good start, but all the hole shots that I got in 2009 seemed light years when my strimmer didn’t start first kick when the flag dropped, bloody hell what’s going on here then? She always starts 1st kick! After about 4 kicks she fired up, but too late and I was last away. Things didn’t go too bad for the first 5 mins but soon after my hands started to get cold, and they got colder, and colder, and about another 5 mins after, I had to physically stop and warm them up. My fingers had gone completely numb and I just couldn’t hold on to the bars and one by one riders were passing me at a rate of knots and before I knew it, nearly the whole flamin field had gone by! I reckon it was a good 10 mins before I could get going again, didn’t really have much problem with them after that. I knew that 1st lap took me ages because as I went through lap scoring Mark Tucker and Adam Blake were standing there taking the piss and shouting ‘were the f*ck you been’? pointing at their watches!!

Now I don’t mind tough races (and I‘ve done a few), especially when the conditions dictate it, but I’m telling you, this was a ‘good un’. The woods were tight with roots and stumps littered everywhere, but oh my god, the number of boggy, peaty, rutted ’rabbit runs’ that seemed to go forever, just sapped your strength as the race went on. I mean not just one like you usually find on a course, but loads of the buggers, some filled with icy cold water as well. There was no getting away from the mud anywhere apart from a few short fire roads where you could open the bike up a bit, but that was short lived as you just went straight back into the deep gloop again! I reckon the course was a good 7-8 miles long and most of it was quite testing, especially with a trials tyre on the back (as always in the SW rounds) Must admit it took me a while to find my feet as it were, but after a while I was going ok, I hadn’t come off and felt good and made my pit stop about halfway through. Just after the 2 hour mark things went a bit ‘Pete Tong’ as I caught my brake pedal on a stump which stopped me dead in my tracks resulting in my lever being bent out of shape which caused my back brake to jam solid. Luckily for me The Hull lads, Kev, James and Dan were close by watching a bit of the action in amongst the woods and came to my rescue! After a bit of juggling and some nice footwork from Kev (obviously he used to take the penaltys and free kicks for his local football team judging by the way he booted my lever back) I got going again.

The next lap I went out on I started to overtake a couple of people in my class as they were beginning to flag a bit under the conditions (more so than me!) but about halfway round disaster struck, and after finding another line around a rider that had got stuck in a rut, as I passed him my chain got de-railed after my chain block banged against a hidden stump which caused it to come off and wrap round my front sprocket 4 times. Bloody typical that ain’t it? I tried in vain to unravel it but it wasn’t gonna budge, race over, oh b*llocks. I then dragged the bike out of the rut I was stuck in, lent it up against a tree and went walkabout looking for a way out of the woods to the nearest fire road. Luckily for me it was only about 100 yds away, so I heaved the bike threw the dense woodland and pushed the thing back along one of the fire roads (after asking some spectators directions!) to the van, knackered!!!

After I got changed and still with about 15 mins to go there were riders waiting around the pits and waiting for the clock to tick over to 3hrs and the flag to come out rather than put themselves through another lap of torture! They all could have got another lap in easily but were absolutely shattered (bunch of pussies if you ask me, Steve Jay & Andrew Smith included!!) so couldn’t muster up the energy or the mental strength to do anymore.

Judging by what I saw at the end of it and who I spoke too, the course had certainly taken it’s toll on a few bikes and bodies, and when I drove past ‘mad’ Jack Twentyman’s van and stopped to see how he got on, the guy was so physically worn out he could hardly speak, in fact all he said to me was ‘I’ll ring you in the week’, that was it, 6 words, no more!!!!
Personally I thought the course was brilliant, I love it when it’s tough and it’s excellent riding round courses like that because that’s when you really learn how to handle a bike properly, especially when the fatigue factor kicks in. Like all Camel Vale events it was another ‘good un’ with not a flat field in sight, good stuff.

Hellvana - 23rd January 2011

First race of the season and i DNF'd, arrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

To be updated.

Practice- 16th January 2011

If last week was muddy at the MX track, this week it was um…………….muddy, muddy and muddy!!!! Oh, and just for record, it was my birthday today and I couldn’t think of a better way to spend it other than riding round on a motorbike and getting plastered with wet sloppy mud (much to the annoyance of the girlfriend).

Anyway, quite a decent little turnout today with ‘mad’ Jack Twentyman and his son Paddy, and Ali Gilbert, all of us were mad enough to have a bit of practice in the gloop regardless. Just as we arrived all the other bikes were leaving so we had the track to ourselves. Jack was trying out his new Gas Gas 300 and Paddy was also having a go on his new Rm 125. After a few laps of getting used to the conditions ‘mad’ Jack was indeed ‘mad’, as his kick start snapped off on his new gasser! Not really the sort of thing you’d expect from a brand new bike is it? And jack wasn’t expecting it either and was to left to bump starting the thing in the middle of a wet field whist cursing the name ‘gas gas’ under his breath (done that a few times myself!). After coming off about 20 times in the first 10 minutes, Paddy was getting to master the conditions and only came off now and then (roughly about 15 times every 10 mins, so quite an improvement) aboard his not so now shiny brand new banana colored bike.

Shortly into the session the Krankies turned up, messers Blake & Jose (Jose being the short plump annoying one that doesn’t shut up and who kept shouting fan’dabi’dozi) to see what was going on. Shortly after this and after a bit of a chat, I thought it would be a good idea to lose control of my strimmer and plant it head first into a tree just yards from where they were standing, much to the delight of the Krankies who took the p*ss somewhat shall we say?

It was quite hard work out there today because of the conditions, but Jack was riding like a man possessed and just kept going and going and going, jesus that bloke’s fitness put us all to shame, he didn’t bloody stop! When he did, it was for a quick cuppa and off he went again, even doing a lap on my 125 for a bit of fun and muttering the words ‘how the f*ck do you ride that’? when he came back on it. Ali Gilbert was the bravest man out there going round with a bloody trials tyre on the back, went well he did too seeing as he had little or next to no grip on his ‘ginger’ bike.

So a good day was had by all and my elbow behaved itself especially for my birthday!

Practice 9th January- 2011

I've got a lot of catching up to do in order to get 'bike fit' as it were, so a trip to the local MX track was the order of the day.

I think 3 words summed up the state of the track, Mud, Ruts, Water!!! In fact i was the only bugger there as conditions we a bit tricky so that probably put a few riders off. Good training it was though and i felt a bit knackered afterwards to be honest, that just goes to show that i've a fair way to go yet before i'll be able to do anything for a decent length of time without my stamina running out.

It's been a long time since i had to haul my bike out of a deep sloppy mud infested rut, but that's exactly what i had to do on one lap because my flamin chain got de-railed and come off, brought back memories did that!

Dan hull popped up with a few mates to see what was going on so had a quick chat with him before having another blast round the place and then calling it a day.

I'll be on the bike again next week, don't know where yet but after you been out for a year with injury even riding round and round the back garden feels good!

Christmas pudding trial- 2nd January 2011

Matt Tilley, Steve Jose, Ali Gilbert, Yours truly

So I had this phone call a few weeks ago, ‘do you fancy doing a trial?’, ‘what on an enduro bike’ I replied, ‘yeah no problem, we can enter the trail bike class’, ’I’ll give it go then’, And so the story begins……………………………….............................

So it was a short trip up to Bude to meet up with Steve (Jose) who’d help organize the whole thing and who said it would be ok for a few of us with enduro bikes to enter the thing. Upon pulling into the car park which was about the size of my back garden, I managed to get my van squeezed in and park up amongst the general look of the riders thinking ‘who the bloody hell is that then’? as they were all milling about talking to each other around their trials bikes. I then went off to get signed on, £10, that’s right £10!!!!!! Ten bloody quid for a days event, not bad eh? Then it was back to the van to get out the ‘strimmer’ in full view of the other riders, must admit to feeling a little bit out of place there amongst the ‘feet up brigade’. Good news though as this didn’t last long as Matt Tilley was also there parked up riding his ‘ginger’ EXC 250, so after a brief chat and a quick change, it was on the bike and with the usual ’bring a ding ding’ sound after she fired up ringing in my ears, it was off to the riders briefing.

Now I must admit, I’ve never even been to see a trials event, let alone ride one, so this was a whole new ball game and I was feeling a bit apprehensive I must admit, but I needn’t have worried because their were 5 of us all on enduro bikes competing today, 3 ‘ginger’ KTM’s, my Gasser, and a Yammy WRF. The plan was to all ride round together so we could all take the piss out of each other and have a good laugh when we mucked a section and scored a ‘5’, and also have a bit of banter whilst going round as well.

The course in the woods gave us 8 sections a lap, and we’d be doing 4 laps each, so plenty of time to get into it and find your feet as it were. All of us were doing the novice route, but I’m telling you, that was bloody hard enough on our bikes, especially with the turning circle that an enduro bike has compared to a trials bike! The climbs were ok, but we all struggled a bit with the tight sections, however, Matt Tilley was a superstar and ‘cleaned’ one section that none of us had managed to do all day! What cheesed me off was I had a ‘5’ twice on the same section, not through putting my feet down, but bloody well stalling the bike and stopping dead in exactly the same place two laps running, what a turkey!

So with us all having a ‘dab’ or two (that’s putting your feet down, not taking a class A drug by wetting your finger and dipping it into the powder) and a few ‘fives’ dotted about here and there throughout the event, after it was all over it was back to the finish to get a free hot cup of steaming soup and a bread roll. Hold on a minute, I thought this was a Christmas pudding trial? Where’s the Christmas pudding then? In fact the only thing that resembled a christmas pudding was the shape of Steve Jose’s physique!!!! After being fed and watered it was off for a bit of fun on the bikes round the woods doing a few climbs and having a bit of a laugh where Ali Gilbert on his ’ginger’ 125 showed us skills by launching himself sky wards at the top of a steep climb, although this cannot be said of Mr Jose who was riding his big 450 4 banger who showed us all how not to do it coming a cropper half way up much to the delight of us all which was greeted by a huge amount of laughter and cheers.

To be honest I thought it was a cracking day out and I’d definitely do it again, it’s not too serious and it’s bloody good practice. Thanks to Holsworthy Mcc for a good event and for letting us compete on our bikes.